This week, we’ll have been married for three years. It’s a bit funny looking back at the Facebook statuses and posts from three years ago and thinking about what I imagined married life to be like. If you asked me then where I’d be in three years, it would look very different! Three years is the leather anniversary because it’s supposed to be when things get tough and to remind couples that they have to be tough in difficult times. That’s what Google told me anyway!
I’ve been told a few times by people treating me that I’ve taken being ill in my stride and just got on with it. If you add up all of the crappy things that have happened in three years for me, most people would perhaps experience them in their lifetime, if that, not in three years. I can’t change anything health wise but I can do something about my attitude towards it, so I try not to be a bitter and twisted person. However, one thing that does make me feel a bit bitter and twisted is the way our wedding day panned out.
I should also say that I found the TLC channel this week and have basically been watching Say Yes To The Dress on loop. Which means seeing all the princess fairytales and evil step mothers in all their glory. Along with 90 Day Fiancé for balance 😉 It’s made me think about our wedding and buying my dress.
Don’t get me wrong, it was a great day. Timetable and logistics wise, it went perfectly. Everyone we wanted to be there was there, although now I’d get rid of some people who came and replace them with new friends instead. It was a lovely wedding.
But I don’t remember a lot of it. Now I know I really wasn’t far off keeling over and dying from low cortisol, but I didn’t know that at the time. Probably a good thing really! I put on so much weight in the month before because of steroids and prophylactic antibiotics that my dress had to be let out a whopping 4 inches at the last minute. So I didn’t feel like a beautiful bride, I felt like a sea cow! Our vows were coordinated between me talking inhalers and how long I could physically stand up for. My husband basically held me up for our first dance because I was shattered and just wanted to sleep. I had to take my dress off in the disabled toilet half way through because it was stopping me breathing and causing a lot of pain. Then we had to botch it at the back so I could actually be a part of my own wedding and not just sit on a toilet floor. I didn’t dance at all even though I wanted to. There’s probably more that I compromised on, but like I said, I can’t remember it.
So I do feel slightly bitter that this day that we’d spent so long planning and is supposed to be ‘the best day of your life’ ended up being blighted slightly (a lot) by illness. It would be great to be able to do it again and have everything perfect but it’s too expensive and I’m also a lot more sick now than I was then!
When I find myself getting upset about it, I try to remind myself that while everyone might want a perfect wedding day, marriage isn’t perfect. There are things which crop up which you aren’t expecting and you have to deal with because that’s how life works. One perfect day doesn’t equate to a perfect life, probably the opposite actually. The wedding vows about wealth, health and solidarity are there for a reason, even if most people just ‘say’ them and don’t think about the meaning.
It’s very easy to look at other people’s marriages and think ‘they have it easy’. But guaranteed they don’t. It might not be quite as stressful as serious illness, but it’s all relative and, realistically, you’re never going to know exactly what’s going on in someone’s marriage anyway because people won’t necessarily talk about it!
Things happen. It’s how you respond to them that’s important. It’s been a different three years from what I imagined but there have been good times despite the challenges. I wonder what the next three years hold!