It’s our 2 year wedding anniversary today! If you’re expecting a soppy post about how I married my best friend and how I have the best husband ever etc, stop reading now. While those things might be true, I’m not that soppy a person and neither is he. Which is why we work well together!
We got married in a Treehouse, which was lovely. We wanted to get married somewhere ‘different’ after we realised it would be virtually impossible to get married in a church (he’s part Jewish and I’m catholic), and didn’t want to have the pomp and circumstance that often comes with formal venues like hotels or country houses. The treehouse restaurant was quirky and different, which is why we picked it. And it had awesome food!
Truth be told, I don’t remember most of the day, and it’s something I still feel upset about. Brides have a meltdown if they get spots on their wedding day, or a cold, or if the chair covers aren’t *perfect*. I was actually not that far off from dying that day, I just didn’t know it at the time. I know we had a lovely day and it was great having our friends and family there but I wish I could remember it. And that I hadn’t had to compromise on as much of the day as I did.
Our seating chart, designed by my husband!
What have I learnt in 2 years of marriage? Pass. I don’t remember much of that either. Maybe that’s part of a successful marriage! 😉 Seriously though:
- Having good jobs and earning a good wage means you can do lots of extravagant things but it’s not the be all and end all. Some of our best holidays were camping and some of the best presents free.
- A sense of humour gets you out of most problems.
- If you don’t trust each other to know the little things, then you’re never going to cope when anything big comes along.
- People who overshare about the ins and the outs of their marriage or who try to dictate what ‘should’ be happening in yours tend to be the most insecure or the ones having problems. Ignore them.
- Share things out equally. Everything, including the chores nobody wants. Or just both deny all knowledge!
- And, what we learnt, a wedding is just a wedding, it’s the years that come afterwards which are important. Having said that, I’d still quite like to renew our vows or something at some point so that we can have a day we both remember and can look back on.
My husband is pretty much my carer now. He does all the household jobs (although I did them all for the first few years we lived together, so it has balanced out!), makes all my meals for me… pretty much everything. I don’t have a job anymore so he is the only one earning. So you might be reading this thinking ‘isn’t he a wonderful man, staying with her despite her being sick‘, which is something I hear a lot. It drives me mad, and him too. I’m very grateful to my husband for what he does but people saying that to us implies that I bring nothing to our marriage whatsoever and that he’s only my husband still out of duty. I’ve been sick for the entire of our marriage, and before. It’s not like I trapped him!
I also get upset when we do things as a couple but people assume I’ve not had any input or my opinion isn’t valid. If people pointedly comment or only speak to him when asking questions (and this has got a lot worse since I started using a wheelchair when out), it can make me feel like I’m not worth acknowledging, that I haven’t tried to contribute, or that my opinion doesn’t count. Just because I need his help doesn’t mean I cease to exist- we’re a partnership. And that’s something that’s really important when you’re married.
But I do bring qualities which make us work well together. I can find humour in most things, whereas he has a tendency to get really frustrated really quickly. Despite the fact that he’s good at fixing things (handy with me since I’m clumsy), he’s not always very good at problem solving or working out alternatives to problems. I’m not good at this anymore either, so we might grind to a halt soon! I’m pretty resilient and refuse to give up on anything whereas he used to be less so. We have a good balance. I already wrote a post last month about his qualities, but, to summarise, he’s generous, kind and can always make me laugh.
Our 2 years of marriage has definitely not been the ‘wedded bliss’ advertised in all the wedding magazines, but I find it hard to believe that anyone actually achieves that- sadly, life doesn’t work like that. We’ve had some great moments, like our American road trip, but overall it’s been pretty uphill in terms of challenges thrown our way. You’re kidding yourself if you think that marriage is all about the Kodak moments people post on social media though (and a lot of those are staged anyway!). It’s easy to be together when things are going well, but a good marriage is one where you can still find funny things even when it’s really, really hard.
My go to top tip if everything is a bit hard? Dominos pizza, chocolate, pjs and a film usually solves most things! 😉
Photos taken by me.