***This is a light-hearted post and not remotely me making a point or looking for sympathy of any kind!***
You have to laugh at yourself a lot of the time. Last week, it was my husband’s birthday, and I woke up feeling pretty good for me (I have adrenal insufficiency, so my normal everyday feeling is usually not good). So, I thought ‘I know, I’ll make him a cake!’
Then I remembered that cake cooking involves a lot of standing, measuring, reading and following instructions, hot baking tins… and decided against a cake. There’s no way in hell I would be able to make a cake. So I thought about it a bit, googled and found a recipe with 4 ingredients required for flapjack and literally no actual ‘baking’ required. Perfect.
How hard can it be? Weigh out 3 ingredients, mix together in the food mixer, put in a baking tin, and put it in the oven. Easy peasy. I used to do baking all the time.
First up, get the ingredients out of the cupboard. The baking shelf is the top shelf. I used to stand on a chair to get things down. That’s clearly not happening. And I can’t lift my arms over my head to grab things. No problem, I can see some brown sugar on the shelf at eye-level, that will do fine. The butter was in the fridge, porridge oats and golden syrup on the breakfast shelf. Challenge 1 smashed.
The food mixer had the cutting blade in it rather than the mixing blade. And I thought I knew where the mixing blade was, but it turns out I didn’t. I thought for a bit and decided that it’s flapjack and it doesn’t matter if they’re a bit more bashed up then they should be. So I avoided rummaging in the cupboard for the right blade. Challenge 2 done.
I weighed the oats first. I was starting to get a bit tired by this point, so I managed to throw oats all over the floor. Arghhh. I definitely can’t clean those up. So I asked myself ‘is it really bad to make your husband birthday flapjack but ask him to clean up after you?’ I decided there wasn’t an awful lot I could do about that, so I had to leave them there for the rest of the day. Challenge 3 failed. That’s ok, I’m still one up- 2-1 so far.
I had a rest for 10 minutes and then went back to weighing. The butter had been on the side the whole time so was now a bit melted, but that’s ok, it gets melted anyway. Butter weighed, and brown (the wrong) sugar weighed, I went to put the golden syrup in. Except it was out of date and had some scaly thing on top so I thought against it. Argghhhhh again. This could happen to anyone, and there is a shop over the road. But that would kill me off for the rest of the day and the next probably. Plus I wasn’t dressed yet. And I’d already invested a lot of time and effort in the concoction so far. I found some honey, crisis averted, challenge 4 overcome. 3-1.
The baking tins are all in one drawer. I was kind of hitting the wall about now so I thought ‘this one will do’ and got one that was too big. But it’s fine, it’s flapjack. I set the timer for the oven, or at least I thought I did. Then I went to sit down and chatted to a friend online on my phone. After a while I thought ‘those flapjacks smell good. Hang on, how long has it been? Why’s the timer not beeped yet?’ I hadn’t put it on after all. But nothing was burnt and they looked about done, and I knew that I started talking to my friend a few minutes after I put them in the oven so checked the time stamp. 23 minutes instead of 15 isn’t too bad, and nothing was burnt. Score =4-1
Triumphantly I got them out of the oven. But I’d ‘forgotten’ why I don’t use the oven, because the sudden heat from it makes me feel awful pretty quickly. So I put them down, looked around at the mess in the kitchen, added on about 10 points (score= 4-11) and left the kitchen in chaos. Because if I’d tried to clean it up, I’d have ended up adding my collapsed body to the porridge oats left on the floor!
I think I still won. My husband had birthday flapjack. He also had a messy kitchen to deal with, but that’s besides the point! Note to self: any type of baking, no matter how easy it seems is a bad idea. But the thought was there!